I Have Been Thinking

I have been thinking about where I want to be and what I need to do to get there but I find myself on a Möbius strip twisted into a figure eight. I find something I want to do, I hit the middle point, where I research it only to come back to financial issue of the matter. I simply don’t have the means to do what I want to. So I keep that idea on the back burner only to have another bought to my attention and I go through it again, comes back to same thing.

After going through this process a couple of times, I had been sitting type up some notes for a story. Which got me thinking, I can’t be doing what I have been for six years for another six. I have a better idea of where I want to be but right now the obstacles in my path has been preventing from find that piece of the puzzle that would get me there and I don’t mean something physical rather emotional. A piece which has eluded me for sometime until I started to understand things differently.

I know I am not that far from discovering what that it only impatience and frustration has gotten in my way lately. More than usual yet I haven’t really had a moment to myself this madness began. I know the primary problem which prevents me from having a that time to myself but at the moment I am doing the responsible thing but my families financial situation isn’t the best either.

So I got support myself somehow, but I would much prefer to find that something that I will enjoying doing rather then dislike going to every day. Believe me I have looked every where for something like that. It either doesn’t exist or maybe I just don’t fit the model of common every day position anymore. Often times I think that I have to carve that position for myself rather waiting around for it to be created by someone else.

I have made the decision to take the road less traveled with its winds and twists. With it many turns it other direction. Who knows where this will lead me but its better than what I have been doing lately which has lead me to dead ends.

Been A Few Days…

I have been a bit all over the place since the last time I posted. Writing hasn’t been in the forefront of my mind lately. I haven’t been to happy with my present work situation and unable to find another one has been weighting on me to the point of distraction.

I actually forgot about the winner being announced this past weekend that I had entered. I have checked back periodically in my email and on their website to see if they have posted the winners but nothing yet.

I am kind of in limbo at the moment just waiting to see what happens.

Setting Priorities

I have been doing too much work at once and I am starting to peak burn out. I realized with everything that has happened lately that my writing is tied up with my emotional state. Once I start to feel overwhelmed or anxious, I got take a step back and look at the options. I am working on getting grounded again and I will be back to posting regularly.

A lot of my emotional state has to due with my present financially situation as it hasn’t been that great and where I am work at present doesn’t help either. I am doing all that I can with the resources available to find another job that can help with funding my writing.

I am still working on submitting to other contests and promoting my patreon page while also applying to other jobs. I find myself biting off more than I can chew but I am still committed to publishing my poetry book in 2018, just got a little derailed for a bit but once I set priorities I’ll be able to focus on it again.

Storm of Dislike

Lately I have been noticing that when I come home from certain places, this wave of dislike hits me reminding me of the time while I was in an emotion support class while in high school. I would go there find in the morning but would return with a sour attitude and really not like myself.

And this was several years ago, but I realized that light was being shined on this situation because I merely ran away from that situation and now I am being faced with this situation again only it feels that much stronger than it was then.

So now I am more determined than ever before to learn from this situation and master my life because I am in control of my life now more than ever. Since realizing what has been happening I have been using Paul Santisi Parallel Dimension meditation every night before going to bed which has been a big help.

This just goes to show that even I have ups and downs sometimes I hit rock bottom. It doesn’t take me that long to climb out after I have calmed the sea of raging emotions that at time overwhelms me that I am unable to think clearly at time.

Once I have calmed down enough to begin to ask questions. I received answers shortly after. I start to look for tools and technique that will help me to master and dispel that control this situation has over me.

Insightful Day

It’s been a while since I’ve actually posted anything but that’s within reason as I found myself swamped with work, too much work too soon. I had a lot of ups and downs. Some ups are really good and some downs are really bad. That’s the best way to know how to describe them anyhow.I found myself really irritated today because of the words that were spoken to me in a certain location and at a certain time mind you.
It was more the vibration of the words that I think like in the words themselves because of the phrase that continues to repeat in my head over and over like cassette tape that was stuck repeating the same song over and over and over again.
It’s been a while since I actually felt like this, felt the aggravation, frustration, and simply bogged down by negative frequencies from certain individuals. I find myself surprised by my reaction. And I realize it’s a reaction because lately I’ve been proactive instead of reactive. I didn’t feel too good either.
So I think you’re contemplating what’s going, why do I feel the way I feel and how do I go about changing. The thing is to acknowledge what you’re feeling and not hiding on the carpet because you can do something about it when you shed more light on it.
Same thing goes with complaining, since I decided not to avoid complaining I just do no way that’s beneficial and I listen to what I’m complaining about so that way I can have some clues to what I need to change. 
I consider every bump in the road an excellent opportunity to learn all that I can so that way I can be at the top of my game all the time every day all day. Because it feels good to be there, to be proactive instead of reactive and I’m much more prefer it that way.
So shortly after I finish writing this I’m going to sit myself down to a couple meditations, go through some cord cutting exercises and really start to put my energetic tools more to use on the days that I know that our encounter certain people that will have a negative attitude and or frequency.

100 Post: Session 1 Week 1 Day 4

Today the exhaustion I was experience when I first started has begun to fade although I do get hit every once in a while with some energetic exhaustion every so often. But with the help of swirling core technique I have been help to alleviate some that and I am doing often throughout the day to help with a lot of other things.

Sometime I find that my body has taken a likening to the technique that it does it automatically but I still like to do it while I am conscious that I am doing just for practice on focusing on the sensation that I am receiving from this technique.

Pulling in the energy field have done wonders for me at night, because I find myself more at peace because of it. I am perceive other thoughts and movement that are consistently going on around me. It been really helpful, only thing is that the asthma persist. I know the basic meaning of it that I am doing things I don’t want to in other words I am being smothered by the wants of others.

I haven’t been able to discover the answer on how to help this completely from my life but I know I will one day some. I find that the answers are always murky and very cloudy that I couldn’t see or even hear them because of the clutter that goes on.

Let’s see where this journey takes us!

Session 1 Week 1 Day 3

Today, I am going intend to put what I am experiencing into words as it’s a challenge as this is a first from me. I have experience a lot things on the energetic level but nothing this deep until now.

The best way for me to describe what I am going through now it that my energetic bodies are being model into a higher frequency like clay figurines in the hands of a sculptor.

Occasionally there are times I feel some sort of pressure for the outside around my field other times I feel a stretching sensation.

There is a lot of pull and pushing in my energy field but I am comforted by these sensation because I sense before all of this discomfort there will be a big change that will occur that will change how I view life and how I go about doing things.

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