I have been thinking about where I want to be and what I need to do to get there but I find myself on a Möbius strip twisted into a figure eight. I find something I want to do, I hit the middle point, where I research it only to come back to financial issue of the matter. I simply don’t have the means to do what I want to. So I keep that idea on the back burner only to have another bought to my attention and I go through it again, comes back to same thing.
After going through this process a couple of times, I had been sitting type up some notes for a story. Which got me thinking, I can’t be doing what I have been for six years for another six. I have a better idea of where I want to be but right now the obstacles in my path has been preventing from find that piece of the puzzle that would get me there and I don’t mean something physical rather emotional. A piece which has eluded me for sometime until I started to understand things differently.
I know I am not that far from discovering what that it only impatience and frustration has gotten in my way lately. More than usual yet I haven’t really had a moment to myself this madness began. I know the primary problem which prevents me from having a that time to myself but at the moment I am doing the responsible thing but my families financial situation isn’t the best either.
So I got support myself somehow, but I would much prefer to find that something that I will enjoying doing rather then dislike going to every day. Believe me I have looked every where for something like that. It either doesn’t exist or maybe I just don’t fit the model of common every day position anymore. Often times I think that I have to carve that position for myself rather waiting around for it to be created by someone else.
I have made the decision to take the road less traveled with its winds and twists. With it many turns it other direction. Who knows where this will lead me but its better than what I have been doing lately which has lead me to dead ends.