So much has happened since I started my session with my coach. There barely any arguments anymore and when one does arise it quickly fizzles out before it become to explosions. I am often in another state of mind when such things happen. I am not longer watching what I do or say. I am merely being me and if they don’t like it. It’s no longer my concern anymore what they think.
It’s not really any of my business what they think about what I do or don’t do anymore. It’s not my business to try to understand why they act a certain way. It’s what they have chosen to, it’s their choose to act the way they do. I am done being the buffer for everyone it’s time they started to choose what’s best for them.
I am merely watching now for the outside looking in and often times I wonder how I was so close with my family some I barely see with my immediate family is a bit different because I see them everyday. It’s not that I don’t care for my family, I am merely not going to buy into their realities anymore while still accepting and forgiving them for their actions against me.
I think back on the times where even some within my immediate family have insults me, where I was trying to be the daughter that would make them proud of me. Only to be insults by their judgements and assumption that I was being less than a good daughter to them but now I’ve begun to wonder why did I get so angry about it. It really wasn’t any of my business if that’s how the perceived me to be.
Now I am barely bother by what could and maybe said about me. Only I didn’t realize how much I was a contributing fact to everything that was going on. Once I stepped out of that position I was in everything mellowed out a lot. On occasion some family members are looking for arguments, looking to get a rise out of me but their tactics no longer wonder and I leave them wondering what happened.
The more I step into my own power, the more I am no longer bother by what goes on around me within my family. But sometimes there are things that bother me small things but I know even those with time will no longer bother me. I am still allowing a small percentage to my connection with my family to still link up with me but I know that once I clear it away. Nothing is going to stay in my way. Nothing.
I know now that the more I step into my own power, the more it will help those around do the same. I can’t do it for them they must choose to do it themselves.