Lately, I’ve been noticed how unhappy I am at my present job but since I’ve begun to change my thoughts to feeling good it’s become more tolerable to be there only certain people who work there since to get under my skin. I’ve begun to wonder why that is. I am thinking for a different perception. At work I can’t just get up and go for a walk. I’ve found the solution that is to change my day this upcoming semester. That alone makes me feel good.
So much has happened since I started my session with my coach. There barely any arguments anymore and when one does arise it quickly fizzles out before it become to explosions. I am often in another state of mind when such things happen. I am not longer watching what I do or say. I am merely being me and if they don’t like it. It’s no longer my concern anymore what they think.
It’s not really any of my business what they think about what I do or don’t do anymore. It’s not my business to try to understand why they act a certain way. It’s what they have chosen to, it’s their choose to act the way they do. I am done being the buffer for everyone it’s time they started to choose what’s best for them.
I am merely watching now for the outside looking in and often times I wonder how I was so close with my family some I barely see with my immediate family is a bit different because I see them everyday. It’s not that I don’t care for my family, I am merely not going to buy into their realities anymore while still accepting and forgiving them for their actions against me.
I think back on the times where even some within my immediate family have insults me, where I was trying to be the daughter that would make them proud of me. Only to be insults by their judgements and assumption that I was being less than a good daughter to them but now I’ve begun to wonder why did I get so angry about it. It really wasn’t any of my business if that’s how the perceived me to be.
Now I am barely bother by what could and maybe said about me. Only I didn’t realize how much I was a contributing fact to everything that was going on. Once I stepped out of that position I was in everything mellowed out a lot. On occasion some family members are looking for arguments, looking to get a rise out of me but their tactics no longer wonder and I leave them wondering what happened.
The more I step into my own power, the more I am no longer bother by what goes on around me within my family. But sometimes there are things that bother me small things but I know even those with time will no longer bother me. I am still allowing a small percentage to my connection with my family to still link up with me but I know that once I clear it away. Nothing is going to stay in my way. Nothing.
I know now that the more I step into my own power, the more it will help those around do the same. I can’t do it for them they must choose to do it themselves.